The Mysteries of the Gym

The gym to some has always been the domain of the lycra cladded female, or the grunting, weight flinging male. To the uninitiated, perhaps the most terrifying place on earth.

You enter the gym in what you deemed as suitable clothing. You know, that old pair of shorts and t-shirt that you wore when playing that one off game of rounders 10 years ago. The pair of trainers, that have seen better days, and are used for fair weather gardening and pottering about, will do for a trip to the gym. After all, you are just going for your first work out, and are just going to get sweaty in said attire. But on edging through the doors you see a mass of people adorning multi coloured, but barely there clothing, with the figure clinging properties of well… cling film! At least trainers, daps, plimsols are still just necessary pieces of moulded plastic to keep your feet off the floor right? Wrong, NASA has got hold of those too and added less material for more money, and as with the clothing, seem to be so bright that sunglasses are required.

So ok, the clothes and footwear may need tinkering with, but at least I can go and do an old fashioned work out with not too much bother. Then the row upon row of machines come into view, and what do you know, you start breaking out into a sweat before even boarding one! People are wired into the matrix whilst on them too, listening to music or watching tv, as no one is casting you a look or about to give you a pointer as you venture aboard and look across the control deck. How a Chewbacca type co pilot would be of great assistance now. You do however locate the now obvious big start/stop button on your chosen machine….. the running machine. Through wincing eyes you tap the button and what do you know, the conveyor belt gently rolls forward and you feel mightily content and relieved as you walk forward with it. You feel confident to nudge up the speed on the controls and a light trot breaks out. I am the master of the gym runs through your head, until after roughly 2 minutes 34 seconds your heart and lungs are screaming, you are done and your fist now slams the stop button. Cardio workout done! No comedy flying off the travellator and no one seems to have looked up from their own trances, although you are still sure that some smirks must have been administered behind your back, mostly due to your attire. But hey ho, lets crack on.

Now you have heard in your research, that a mix of cardio and resistance work is good. After a bit more googling, you have identified that resistance work means weights. To the doorway marked “weights” you go. Yikes, this is a new domain to master and the crowd look surly and a tougher nut to crack than the lycra, tv watching brigade you just left. This new domain holds a mixture of the solo music listening male, the two or more males holding a conversation across all corners of the room, the grunting to intimidate males, the grunting to mock the overly grunting males (basically like listening to a pod of hippos on safari). There are also those who linger on machines flicking through facebook or having a nice leisurely chat on their phones. There appears to be no space for the meek in here. What is the etiquette? Is there a “boss” in here that I need to ask permission to enter or to even touch a weight? Do I wait for a bench or is there a supermarket delicatessen take a number and queue system? The situation is overbearing, but what’s this? You notice another room just off to the side, less occupied by far, but still in this sub section of the gym. This room has weight machines! Brilliant, you conquered cardio machines and now being offered the chance to exert dominance over weight machines. Machines are your friend. You had been foolishly looking in the ‘free weights’ room, a room that will take a good few months to work your way into (off peak times is where your windows of opportunity lie for this room). 

You sit at an overhead press machine and decide this will do as your shoulders definitely need a good workout……. and it was the furthest away from any prying eyes. It also mercifully has a description of how to use it, and you put the pin into the 5kg slot, the first slot. You nestle in the seat and push the grips above your head. EASY!! You pump your arms above your head, 10 times, then up to 15 and 20 and then finally stop around 27. You crash the weights back down and sit content, but also a little saddened that in your attempt to escape the gaze of the free weights crew, no one can see your triumphant first outing at shifting weights. No matter, you do a second set, and bang out another 25 or so repetitions. However for your third, you are going to up the ante. Now that you are an overhead press powerhouse, you feel more weight should be appropriate, and decide that 30kgs should be mastered next. One gigantic heave up, elbows buckle and an almighty crash as the weights smash back down. One quick glance and a quick scuttle retreat from the weights room to the relative safety of the changing room ensues. First gym session done!!

The gym floor is a place of great mystery, hierarchy and sub structure, and I should point out that using the machines should not be attempted until after an induction. However it is not a place of comfort and a suitable environment for all to attain their fitness and health goals. Also, what you wear should never be a boundary to exercise, and all that is ever required for almost any exercise is that old pair of shorts and t-shirt and a pair of trainers. 

So whether you are time poor, prefer the environment of your own home, garden or outdoor space, or even place of work, then please get in touch to arrange a free consultation with me here at LiveLife Health & Fitness, and we together can work out a plan of action to meet your goals in an environment that is comfortable to you.

Ben Beale is a mobile Personal Trainer living In Paulton, who travels out to clients in the surrounding towns and villages, and cities of Bath and Bristol.